The Weirdest Sex Toys on the Market
Have you ever heard of a "vajankle" before?
At UVee Clean, we know sex toys. Here’s the thing though, there are some toys out there that even we aren’t sure we’re ready to know. When talking about sex, we all know that there’s pretty much a fetish for everything…well, as it turns out, there’s most likely a sex toy designed for that fetish too.
We went digging through the weirdest places on the internet to find the most surprising, strange and completely bizarre toys people use to get off. Now it’s possible that some of these are gags, but hey, we aren’t here to judge. What we are here to do, however, is bring you the weirdest and craziest sex toys we could find.
Check these out!
Dick-Carys! Holy mother of dragons. If you are a fan of HBO’s popular series Game Of Thrones, now you too can be like Season 8...and really suck. No seriously, this terrifying fan-made dildo was created to celebrate the final season of Game of Thrones. If you’ve ever wanted to channel your inner Targaryen and mount a dragon...now’s your chance.
If you have ever thought to yourself, “if only my vibrator would sync to my vape pen so I could stimulate myself with every inhale,” well, technology has finally caught up with your very specific request.
Vapegasm from CamSoda allows you to control your Lovense connected sex toy based on how long you take a pull from your pen. Take a short pull and you will get a little burst of pleasure. A long pull will give you a really big buzz…in more ways than one. Don’t just get off or get high…do both!
The ultimate in power sex robotics. When you think of a 6-foot by 19-foot sex machine with two giant dildos attached…you think the word “discreet,” right?
This sex behemoth is on another level. The Shockspot is completely programmable and provides an in-and-out sensation both with and without vibration. It can pump hundreds of times per minute and can provide 17.5 lbs of thrust! We aren’t sure how much power that really is...but this toy looks to have one hell of a hard drive.
Any fans of the movie Alien? Well, let’s see how big of a fan you really are. When it comes to bizarre sex toys, look no further than Primal Hardware’s Ovipositor.
This long slimy dildo type device has one specific purpose, and that is to lay gelatin eggs inside of you. Don’t worry though, the eggs don’t actually hatch. In fact, the mold is all that is provided, so you will be building the otherworldly anticipation by mixing your own eggs in the kitchen prior to insertion. After that, you can sit back, relax and cum in peace.
Who wants a mustache ride? Sorry, but we don’t. This furry cock companion is supposed to provide oral mustached pleasure with rows of internal nodules and multi-vibration functions. However, we can’t stop staring at it. We are left flaccidly deciding if it looks like a deep-sea creature or the stuff of Muppet nightmares. We're sorry Jack, we love ya, but you too easily made our list of weird toys.
If you’ve ever thought you need a little help with your oral game and are tired of running out of pesky, but necessary, oxygen while you go down on your partner, then the Snorkel O was specifically made for you. This sex toy consists of a nose piece with rubber tubing that comes out of either side. The tubes wrap over your ears and cinch behind your head to provide fresh air while you work away.
But that’s not all! The nose piece has an attached vibrator that buzzes her bits for up to 30 minutes. Now all you have to do is not sneeze for that half-hour.
7. The Moby
We have a huge tip for the size queens out there…you’re going to gasp at the worlds largest retail dildo - The Moby. Honestly, we aren’t entirely sure where the line is drawn on when a penis-shaped object stops being a dildo and starts being furniture. However, according to Master Cock, this three-foot-tall 50-pound penis still qualifies as a sex toy. Either way, you are in for a night of intense pleasure. Whether that pleasure comes from sex or the morphine you’ll require in the emergency department afterward is just part of the fun.
Towering at three feet, this monster unfortunately doesn't fit inside the already-large UVee HOME Play, so you'll have to get creative with ways to clean it. We recommend using hot water, antibacterial soap, and a clean towel!
Ahoy matey, mind that slippery deck.
If medical fetish is your cup of tea then you are going to love searching for buried pleasure. The pleasure periscope is part self-examiner and part vibrating self-stimulator. Once placed inside the cavity of your choosing, your partner can turn on the vibrations and enjoy the view through the lit-up viewing window. We aren’t exactly sure what you expect to see but either way, we wouldn’t recommend busting this one out on a new partner. Call us old fashioned, but cavity viewing is more of a third date activity.
We all know that the real reason everyone wanted to storm Area 51 is for the babes. However, if the hassle of taking a trip to Nevada and Naruto running past guards sounds like too much for you, maybe you’d settle for the Area 51 love doll. This doll sports 3 “out-of-this-world” love holes and three E.T breasts. No wonder the government has tried to keep the aliens to themselves for so long.
10. Plugs Bunny
Eh, what’s up cock?
Besides being farm-themed, we can’t help but love Plugs Bunny just for sheer pun-awesomeness alone. This 5 1/2 inch wide rubber butt plug from the creative people over at Hole Punch Toys is definitely weird...but it is also functional and kind of adorable.
Also, if you are loving the idea of rubber vegetable butt play (because obviously who wouldn’t) but you are a little nervous, Hole Punch also offers a baby carrot option. When Plugs Bunny asks "ain’t I a stinker?”, the answer is yes, yes you are.
This is one of the few items on our list that can fit comfortably inside the UVee HOME Play. If carrot-shaped butt plugs are your thing, you can throw it into your unit, turn it on, wait 10 minutes, and have a freshly sanitized plug at your disposal.
I know what you are thinking - “why isn’t there a dildo that straps to my foot!?” Actually, yeah we weren’t really thinking that either. But this sex toy company sure was!
As weird as it sounds, it’s actually a pretty clever idea. The HeelDo straps to your foot and attaches any O-ring compatible dildo to your heel. So now while you are down on your knees, you can sit back and provide yourself with hands-free vaginal or anal stimulation. It’s definitely strange...but sometimes you have to do what heels right.
If you are intimidated by your partner's dildo outclassing you, apparently there’s an option for your partner to have a dildo that IS you. Clone-A-Willy uses medical-grade molding gel so you can make a perfect replica of your member at home.
After letting the gel dry around you, you fill the mold with a platinum-cure silicone to create your very own dick on a stick. Consider getting a cock ring to keep yourself rigid throughout the process - you’re only going to want to show off a mold of you at your best.
Once you've got the perfect replica, you're going to want to keep it clean. Consider purchasing your own UVee HOME Play unit to keep your homemade dildo in tip-top shape in 10 minutes!
13. The Vajankle
Foot fetishes are one of the most common fetishes in the world…but we aren’t entirely sure if this counts. It definitely involves a foot, but the Vajankle is a bizarrely severed Frankenstein foot and vagina combo. So if your foot fetish is so much that you really want to have sex with JUST a foot, then the sex toy company Sinthetics really has your back.
You should also know that you can completely customize this toy by picking out the skin color and pedicure type. What’s great is that you and your custom Vajankle will always get along, because you’ll never get off on the wrong foot.
Did You Make It Through All Of Them?
So by now you are either weirded out, turned on or some confusing combination of both. You’re welcome.
The great thing about sex toys is that they will always never fail to be interesting. So did you think these were super weird? Maybe you didn’t think they were weird enough. Let us know if your toy made the list! These bizarre toys are just more proof that there really is something for every way you wanna play.